It Is What It Is

My closest friend I use this saying "It is what it is." We say this often because we really don't know what else to say. I mean, what do you say after your baby has passed, your mom has had a stroke, you are struggling to get pregnant again and again, you have breast cancer or your daughter has special needs? We don't say this to blow off our feelings of these really hard things but we say it after we have acknowledged that this is hard but we will be o.k.

Last week I acknowledged my feelings of really wanting Ada to no longer have to wear braces on her feet and ankles. I knew putting it out there would make me feel this deeper and it certainly has. Believe me, I know this is not a stroke, cancer or death but I didn't realize how emotional I'd be when the doctor examined Ada and then said "She'll still need SMOs. I'll write out a prescription."

Some of my emotion comes from the fact that this appointment means two more appointments plus phone calls for referrals and insurance coverage. This is where I grow weary of special needs. Why all this extra? Why do I have to jump through hoops for just one part of how to care for my child? Past experience with obtaining what she needs has caused me to feel anxiety because not every experience has been good. Insurance and hospitals have not always been the most kind to us.

Ada insisted on wearing her blue Joy wig to imitate the character from Inside Out. She kept insisting we call her "Joy" and wore that wig proudly into the doctor's office. Thank you for all your support and hoping with me for Ada to just need inserts. Sadly, its not to be. It is what it is, and, I thank you, for accepting that with me. Today I will choose Joy.