Counting By Threes
Recently, I started listening to a book called "Counting by Sevens" by Holly Goldberg Sloan. I'm liking the story about a middle school age girl who happens to be a former orphan and then an orphan again. She's a genius and tends to focus on the number 7. I focus on a number too. The number 3.
It was at 3:33 every day I would look at the clock when I worked at a magazine as a Production Manager. Almost, time to go home. Tick...tock...tick...tock. It was in that cubicle I dreamed of one day meeting a partner and best friend who I could share my life with. It was in that cubicle that after we were married I longed for children and realized that having children wouldn't be easy for us.
"What we expect rarely occurs; what we don't expect is what happens." This quote stood out to me in the book "Counting by Sevens" and its alway amazing to me when someone can put into words what I believe.
I expected I would some day be married and I really thought it would've been a bit sooner than it had happened. We can say it was all for a reason and we both weren't quite ready yet. I am grateful for what happened during my "single life journey" and wouldn't trade it but I still didn't expect to wait those few extra years.
More than that I really didn't expect to want kids. And when I did want them, I didn't expect for the journey to be so hard. Struggling with infertility was one of the most refining times of my life. I learned to be full of grace for those around me who didn't get it. I learned to share my anger in a way that didn't harm them but maybe helped them understand just a little. Or maybe not. I learned about hope and what it means.
I still struggle with the maybe nots. I don't forget the feeling of loss each month and I certainly have not forgotten the comments people made who thought they were being helpful. Sorry, I wish I have.
When we were pregnant I expected typical children and have found that not one has been. The last two even more so. And, although, I am so grateful for the world these needs have opened up for our family, it wasn't what I expected. I didn't realize that my focus on the number three would bring me three children. It wasn't what I expected. I expected four.
My journey has been full of expectations beyond these. I continue to learn how to let those go because really "what we don't expect is what happens." Do you struggle with expectations? What kind?
It was at 3:33 every day I would look at the clock when I worked at a magazine as a Production Manager. Almost, time to go home. Tick...tock...tick...tock. It was in that cubicle I dreamed of one day meeting a partner and best friend who I could share my life with. It was in that cubicle that after we were married I longed for children and realized that having children wouldn't be easy for us.
"What we expect rarely occurs; what we don't expect is what happens." This quote stood out to me in the book "Counting by Sevens" and its alway amazing to me when someone can put into words what I believe.
I expected I would some day be married and I really thought it would've been a bit sooner than it had happened. We can say it was all for a reason and we both weren't quite ready yet. I am grateful for what happened during my "single life journey" and wouldn't trade it but I still didn't expect to wait those few extra years.
More than that I really didn't expect to want kids. And when I did want them, I didn't expect for the journey to be so hard. Struggling with infertility was one of the most refining times of my life. I learned to be full of grace for those around me who didn't get it. I learned to share my anger in a way that didn't harm them but maybe helped them understand just a little. Or maybe not. I learned about hope and what it means.
I still struggle with the maybe nots. I don't forget the feeling of loss each month and I certainly have not forgotten the comments people made who thought they were being helpful. Sorry, I wish I have.
When we were pregnant I expected typical children and have found that not one has been. The last two even more so. And, although, I am so grateful for the world these needs have opened up for our family, it wasn't what I expected. I didn't realize that my focus on the number three would bring me three children. It wasn't what I expected. I expected four.
My journey has been full of expectations beyond these. I continue to learn how to let those go because really "what we don't expect is what happens." Do you struggle with expectations? What kind?
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