This Is It

Every time I sit down to write I want to start off with, "Last year when I was depressed..." It sounds so boring and repetitive but everything goes back to last year for what I'm learning this year. I suppose that's how life is.

So...last year when I was depressed and Ada was definitely at the peak of her terrible twos I remember holding onto the fact that in January 2015 Ada would be eligible to attend preschool four mornings a week. When she was a baby the idea of putting her on a bus and sending her off to school four mornings a week at such a young age was unfathomable. No way would I do that! How could I do that? She needs to be a child too!

Ada waiting for her oldest sister to come home.

 Then last year came and I realized we were in over our heads with her. She needed so much and I was not able to give it to her. I tried driving her to therapies to give her all the resources she needed but it wore me out and she wasn't happy about it either. I wrote about our decision to let go of those therapies here. On top of it our insurance only paid for so many sessions and it wasn't in the budget to continue.

June Bug looking cute.

With Ada and her sisters in school at different times it looked like I would have Monday and Wednesday mornings to myself. I was so excited to be able to go grocery shopping on my own or stay home and clean in SILENCE! I craved this alone time and I was finally going to be able to have it. And then, January came and every Monday or Wednesday something happened. Literally, everyone would get sick on that day or wait, let's have a snow day on a Monday! Why not take another Monday for two holidays off of school? In all of that time my mom was scheduled for back surgery and her primary helper, my dad, threw out his back and was in the hospital a few days before her. We pitched right in because that's life and we help each other. Quickly, I learned to not look forward to alone time because it wasn't going to happen.

This morning was going to be my first time alone. Even last night I thought to myself I can't believe this is happening. I am going to be able to mop floors ALONE! I am going to be able to clean out bathroom cupboards and actually finish the task. And then we woke up and...Catina was sick. BWWAAA HAAA HAAA HAA!

Catina not happy I am taking a picture of her while she's sick.

All this may sound like a bit fat whine fest but that's not my point. My point is THIS IS LIFE! Things are going to come up all the time. We will never just coast and have a perfectly planned life. So, what will I do when these things come up? What will I do when it takes two years a piece to conceive Catina and then June? What will I do when Greg loses his job? What will I do when our insurance drops us and doesn't tell us? What will I do when my child is born deaf? What will I do when my child is born with Down syndrome?

You know what I will do? I am going to live with it. If its hard I will take the time to grieve it but I'm going to continue to just see how my story is going to unfold. Sure, I can have some goals of what I'd like for my family but when the circumstances change I'm going to incorporate them into the new plan and be open to learning. Long ago a friend gave a sermon and he talked about how God creates these waves and we can either be bowled over by them or get on our surf boards and catch the wave. Sometimes I'm going to be floundering a bit in a the deep end but I hope in time I will get back on that board and surf!