Mirror Mirror, Different Mirror
I've been quiet lately. Reflecting a lot. I've been sitting in a space where I have felt "life is not fair." I go through this once in awhile and I don't like to stay there too long because, well, it makes life feel really sucky. I struggle with depression and I can't afford to linger in a space that can add to that.
The expense of all three of my girls specialist appointments is heavy. And, I've shared before how often I can be on the phone getting approvals and appointments. Ada, my youngest, recently had an MRI for AAI and its been two and a half weeks and still no results and that's after three phone calls in an email (And, yes we will be switching doctors after this). I want to share openly on this blog to help others not feel alone. I, fortunately, have those people in my life that I feel connected to and less alone in this world of special needs but I truly love coming across someone being honest on the internet for all to see.
On Saturday, I attended a special needs mom event. I have gone two times before and really enjoy connecting with others and taking that time to rest. It had been a rough three weeks as I have come to terms with my oldest child, Catina, being diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. I had been reading some books on the subject for my youngest and kept seeing my oldest! In a lot of ways I am relieved. I know now what makes her tick and why she does the things she does. She is relieved too. I was able to share what I had learned and afterwards I asked her what she thought of my findings. She told me she feels understood and that she's not making things up when she absolutely cannot wear certain shoes or eat certain things. There are times where she will wear two different shoes to school. She is extremely underweight and the doctors have been concerned for the past two years. When I described to the doctor what I found you could see the light bulb go on in her head and she was in total agreement. It all clicked! These quick examples are just the surface of what she has dealt with and I hope to share in a later post of what all this means.
The speaker on Saturday talked about how her kids have helped her see herself. Her toughest kid was able to be a mirror held up to her and she could see all the things she truly was. She could see where she fell short and could see where her views needed to be changed. There are times I can only see those things in myself as well. And, that's a good thing. Sometimes I need to see that my values have been skewed and I need to think differently of what makes a life quality.
Sometimes I can change the message the mirror is showing me and turn it into negative self talk. I can say that I'm not doing enough for these three kids who need more help than others. I can wallow in the unfairness of it and shake my fist at the sky. Well, actually, I do that too, but once I'm there for just a little bit I realize I need to hold up the mirror of how my children see me. My girls see a mom who loves them, who snuggles them, who cares for them and provides for their needs. Today I wanted to encourage those who have that mirror held up to them to see the good in the refining and to know that you are where you are right now for a reason.
*This post was approved by Catina to share.
The expense of all three of my girls specialist appointments is heavy. And, I've shared before how often I can be on the phone getting approvals and appointments. Ada, my youngest, recently had an MRI for AAI and its been two and a half weeks and still no results and that's after three phone calls in an email (And, yes we will be switching doctors after this). I want to share openly on this blog to help others not feel alone. I, fortunately, have those people in my life that I feel connected to and less alone in this world of special needs but I truly love coming across someone being honest on the internet for all to see.
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| Catina and I at 5th grade camp. |
The speaker on Saturday talked about how her kids have helped her see herself. Her toughest kid was able to be a mirror held up to her and she could see all the things she truly was. She could see where she fell short and could see where her views needed to be changed. There are times I can only see those things in myself as well. And, that's a good thing. Sometimes I need to see that my values have been skewed and I need to think differently of what makes a life quality.
Sometimes I can change the message the mirror is showing me and turn it into negative self talk. I can say that I'm not doing enough for these three kids who need more help than others. I can wallow in the unfairness of it and shake my fist at the sky. Well, actually, I do that too, but once I'm there for just a little bit I realize I need to hold up the mirror of how my children see me. My girls see a mom who loves them, who snuggles them, who cares for them and provides for their needs. Today I wanted to encourage those who have that mirror held up to them to see the good in the refining and to know that you are where you are right now for a reason.
*This post was approved by Catina to share.
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