Breathe In, Breathe Out

Our insurance changed at the beginning of May. If you have dealt with insurance issues you know this can be a good thing (trying to be positive here) or a bad thing. At first and probably later, it always seems bad because you are learning the system AGAIN. For us, this is the third time insurance has changed in Ada's short 2 1/2 years of life. I knew this was coming so on May 1st I called the new insurance company to begin the process of getting Ada approved for physical therapy (PT). I wanted to increase her visits to twice a week for the summer time.

For the first month I talked with the insurance company two to three times a week. They would ask me the same darn questions every time. All I wanted to know is when can we begin the process so that Ada can begin physical therapy again. We finally were able to begin the process so I called our doctor to send over a prescription. Weeks went by where I was calling two to three times a week. I finally called the doctor's office again. They are amazingly efficient so it seemed strange that the insurance company wasn't receiving the information needed. It turns out the prescription was being sent to the wrong insurance company! Breathe in. Breathe out.


The woman who works at the doctor's office immediately faxed and called the insurance company and we were approved that day for an evaluation for Ada. I was dissapointed with having to have an evaluation because Ada had being going for PT once a week for a year but that's the way the paperwork rolls. A couple of weeks later we had an evaluation appointment where we then had to wait for the insurance company to approve PT visits upon receiving the eval. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Finally, things are approved and we were on our way. I talk to the receptionist at the PT office and explain how this summer we are going to go for it and come in two times a week. I know this is a sacrifice. I know that it will make for a strict summer schedule with the other activities we are involved in. We show up for our first Tuesday visit and the receptionist says "Why are you here?" Breathe in. Breathe out. 

Me: We are here for Ada's Tuesday appointment since we are coming twice a week.
Receptionist: No. We don't have an appointment for Ada today.
Me: Really? She's had this slot for a year and we talked about how she was coming twice a week.
Receptionist: No. That slot was given away. Ada's only coming on Thursdays.

Of course, she mentions the times that are before Ada's siblings wake up or during lunch time. Breathe in. Breathe out. Exit building. Pick up phone, message husband. Pick up phone, call friend, cuss up a storm. Drive to swim lesson cussing the whole way where my mom and friend are with our kids. Bawl my eyes out. 

This is the third time this receptionist has made a mistake like this and never says sorry. Not even apologizing for misunderstanding or that my situation seems really sucky at the moment. Breathe in. Breathe out.

At this point I am hyperventiliating because really who can breathe in and out this many times? I think I'm about to pass out. I immediately send a message to friends to pray for me. I cannot do this alone and I am too defeated to move a finger to fix the situation.

I cried for two days straight. And, I realized this was another trigger to my depression this winter. I was finally starting to feel better and this incident put me back to how I felt in February. I did all this work to get Ada into PT and was really hoping this would give her a boost to find that it was for nothing. I could change places of therapy but that's another month of finding a slot at the new place, finding out if we can get another evaluation, hoping we'd get more visits. Plus, the other places considered aren't close.


After a couple of days I decided to accept this "accident" as a gift. I am choosing to accept this gift of time. This gift of not running around. This gift of not pushing my baby girl to cry twice a week. This gift of not having to deal with an office that never puts batteries in their toys (Who would've thought I'd want that after believing I'd grow my kids up on wood toys only. HA!). I am choosing to accept even though this still boils my blood upon thinking about it. 

Two days after all this happens we leave for up north to a place where I always feel peace and can breathe freely without a bag over my face. And guess what? Ada walked seven steps in a row. SEVEN GLORIOUS STEPS! I'm pretty sure it was The Lord taking the bag off my face and asking me to breathe in the nice air of freedom. He is saying take this summer with your kids and don't worry about appointments. Breathe me in. Breathe LOVE out.


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