Why Do I Want To Chew Your Head Off?
A few days before school starts our elementary schools have a meet and greet. Its an important day for my girls because they get to meet their teacher, see their classroom, drop off school supplies and say hello to all their friends. To cut down on confusion I will call June's school, School A, and Ada's school, School B. Our family is very familiar with School A. We know all the teachers and staff and many of them are like family to us. Its the school closest to us and its been easy to volunteer and meet people because we walk most days. We've also been going in and out for six years, this being our seventh. School B is about 15-20 minutes away and much harder to volunteer in direct access to Ada.
School B's meet and greet was first so we parked a million miles away. Fortunately, I brought a wagon to lug the supplies and June held Ada's hand until we got into Ada's classroom. It was all very exciting! We loved the new classroom, it was great to see new friends and this year we were even able to meet Ada's gen ed teachers. The school had rearranged classrooms so that each Cognitively Impaired classroom matched the grades of the classrooms around them. (More on that another time!) As we left we saw all the PTA sign ups along the way and every time I tried to stop to read one Ada would start to escape or write all over one so I just hurried on my way. A friend called out to say "hi" as we were leaving and looking back I am grateful to feel less alone in that moment.
We then drove to School A. Parking felt a lot less hectic, mainly because I knew what I was doing. We saw tons of people we knew as we walked in and it felt like coming home. We are all known and loved at School A. As we exited the school we saw School As PTA table. They stopped us and encouraged me to sign up. They were doing a great job of welcoming just like School B.
I left wanting to swear and felt this tension inside. I wanted to lash out at those at the PTA tables. Why was I feeling this way? After we got home I began to ask myself questions. What am I feeling? When did I start to feel it? What is triggering this frustration?
Through processing I realized that another ripple of grief had touched me. I was sad that my girls were not at the same school. Even though I believe they are both in the exact place they are suppose to be I still feel sad. I also feel irritated and sad that I have to choose between which Halloween parade to go to and always hope the Valentine party isn't scheduled at the same time like curriculum night is. I hate that I have to choose. I hate that when I'm asked to do something for the PTA its not realized that I have two elementary schools to keep track of that host very similar events.
After processing I realized I am also full of gratefulness. School A recently opened its doors to an autism program. Without my experience I could not encourage and advocate for those children in the building I represent through our special ed parent committee the same way I can now. I can be the listening ear and be more aware than others are of how to include the parents and children in events. Often I feel I am speaking up for inclusion in School B. They have listened and have taken action but if I can be that for School A so those parents who are tired feel someone is fighting for them than I will count this all as a blessing!
How was your first week of school? Did you have any feelings of irritation or sadness?
School B's meet and greet was first so we parked a million miles away. Fortunately, I brought a wagon to lug the supplies and June held Ada's hand until we got into Ada's classroom. It was all very exciting! We loved the new classroom, it was great to see new friends and this year we were even able to meet Ada's gen ed teachers. The school had rearranged classrooms so that each Cognitively Impaired classroom matched the grades of the classrooms around them. (More on that another time!) As we left we saw all the PTA sign ups along the way and every time I tried to stop to read one Ada would start to escape or write all over one so I just hurried on my way. A friend called out to say "hi" as we were leaving and looking back I am grateful to feel less alone in that moment.
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| Ada's first day of school. |
We then drove to School A. Parking felt a lot less hectic, mainly because I knew what I was doing. We saw tons of people we knew as we walked in and it felt like coming home. We are all known and loved at School A. As we exited the school we saw School As PTA table. They stopped us and encouraged me to sign up. They were doing a great job of welcoming just like School B.
 |
| June's first day of school. |
Through processing I realized that another ripple of grief had touched me. I was sad that my girls were not at the same school. Even though I believe they are both in the exact place they are suppose to be I still feel sad. I also feel irritated and sad that I have to choose between which Halloween parade to go to and always hope the Valentine party isn't scheduled at the same time like curriculum night is. I hate that I have to choose. I hate that when I'm asked to do something for the PTA its not realized that I have two elementary schools to keep track of that host very similar events.
After processing I realized I am also full of gratefulness. School A recently opened its doors to an autism program. Without my experience I could not encourage and advocate for those children in the building I represent through our special ed parent committee the same way I can now. I can be the listening ear and be more aware than others are of how to include the parents and children in events. Often I feel I am speaking up for inclusion in School B. They have listened and have taken action but if I can be that for School A so those parents who are tired feel someone is fighting for them than I will count this all as a blessing!
How was your first week of school? Did you have any feelings of irritation or sadness?
Great post! I can empathize! I understand it is because of the logistics, but I really wish that kids in special education classes could go to the school that serves their neighborhood, as a rule. If My daughter went to the school that actually serves our neighborhood she would have the chance to meet kids locally and maybe even form friendships with them. The way it is, she is not part of the community that her school is in and she is a stranger to the kids in our neighborhood. This makes me really sad.
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